This marks the end of my series on all-time division teams. As I have advertised at a shamelessly attention seeking level, I wrote this while under the influence of narcotics following back surgery. While I’m sure the series would have been better had I written while more cognizant of my surroundings, the idea of trying to sleepwalk my way through a historical piece piqued my interest. The idea of accidentally forgetting obvious players or saying things I would normally filter when thinking rationally amuses me, and I can’t pass up the opportunity to embarrass myself and my children after me. Once again, these are the rules Chase and I have agreed on:

1. I write everything before my painkiller prescription runs out,
2. I write it completely off the top of my head and don’t do any research,
3. I don’t have to proofread this when I finish it, and
4. Chase doesn’t edit my nonsense out of the article (so we can maximize my odds of getting owned online).^[1]Roster construction is as follows: 1 QB, 2 RB, 3 WR, 2 TE, 2 T, 2 G, 1 C, 2 DE, 2 DT, 2 OLB, 2 MLB/ILB, 3 CB, 2 S, 1 K, 1 P, 1 HC
5. I maintain modern division designations. If a player played for the Seahawks when the team was in the AFC West, I am counting him in the NFC West. I spent five minutes staring at the corner of my phone because I didn’t remember it being that shape, so I’m sure as hell not spending time putting Aeneas Williams in the NFC East.

Previous articles:

AFC North
AFC East
AFC West
AFC South
NFC North
NFC East
NFC West

Without further ado, here’s the NFC South:

Offense

Quarterback – Drew Brees

This was probably the saddest part of the series to write because the four teams have been so unremarkable for so much of their existence that very few players stand out. Brees, the most accurate passer in history, is the oasis in the NFC Souths desert of despair.

Running Backs – Warrick Dunn and William Andrews

Dunn was a versatile back who gained over a thousand yards from scrimmage in eleven of his twelve seasons. Andrews had a brief career and isn’t nearly as well-known as he should be. He only played five healthy seasons, and one of them was the strike-shortened 1982 debacle, so his total numbers don’t look as impressive as they otherwise should. During his peak, he averaged over 1800 yards from scrimmage per 16 games, placing him on a clear trajectory for Canton. A knee injury ended that story.

Wide Receivers – Steve Smith, Sr., Julio Jones, Roddy White

The Lilliputian Smith could take over a game like few receivers in modern history. He played on teams that had bad quarterbacks and rarely passed, and he still put up big time numbers. Jones plays like Terrell Owens without the attitude problems or the drops (or the touchdowns, to be fair). Measured by yards per route run, no one approaches his efficiency as a receiver. It can be easy to write off modern receivers as products of today’s pass-friendly environment, but it would be a mistake to do that with Jones. He’s already one of the greats. His predecessor was no slouch either. White had a pretty decent peak, but I expect Mike Evans to knock him off this list pretty soon.

Tight Ends – Jimmy Graham and Jimmie Giles

Brees has a habit of making his receivers look better than they really are, but Graham was a tremendous vertical and possession threat in his prime. He had soft hands and incredible leaping ability. His blocking wouldn’t remind anyone of Ron Kramer, but taking him out of routes was a waste of his talent anyway. Giles was one of a few names I could have picked to accompany Graham. Wesley Walls may have been the best pure receiver, and Jim Mitchell was a more consistent performer, but I think Giles had the highest highs. His only real weakness as a player may have been that he didn’t always seem to care too much about playing football.

Tackles – Willie Roaf and Mike Kenn

Roaf was a little sloppy in pass pro but is among the finest run blocking tackles of recent vintage. Kenn is the opposite: a decent run blocker who happens to be one of the top pass protectors in NFL history. I had high hopes for Jammal Brown. Injuries suck.

Guards – Jahri Evans and Bill Fralic

For a while, Carl Nicks appeared to be every bit as good as his linemate, Evans, but a move to an inept organization snuffed out the brief candle of his career. He deserves mention, nonetheless. Evans was among the better pass blocking guards of his era, helping keep Drew Brees upright and allowing the QB to throw about 900 passes a year. When Fralic felt like it, he could dominate defensive linemen. Unfortunately, he didn’t always feel like it. But without much competition, he felt like it at least enough to make this list (until Larry Warford gets a few more seasons under his belt).

Center – Ryan Kalil

Kalil isn’t exactly an all-time great, but he has been a consistent anchor for the Carolina line as a good run blocker and great pass blocker. Maintaining blocking assignments for a mobile quarterback can be taxing for a lineman, but Kalil has responded to Cam Newton’s improvisations with aplomb.

Defense

Defensive End – Lee Roy Selmon and Claude Humphrey

Selmon was a phenomenal athlete who also happened to have incredibly high football IQ. He could basically do whatever he wanted on the field. The second spot was a close choice between Humphrey and Julius Peppers. Peppers is among the most gifted athletes to play any position in the NFL, but Humphrey was nearly on the same level. Both excelled against the pass and the run, and both had the versatility to play out of position. This was basically a coin flip for me.

Defensive Tackle – Warren Sapp and La’Roi Glover

Sapp makes his way into quite a few GOAT lists, written, I assume, by people under 30 who get most of their information from YouTube highlights. Don’t get me wrong. Sapp was a great under tackle who provided important interior pressure for the Tampa defense. But he also struggled with consistency and motivation, which doesn’t show up in those highlight packages. Glover was like Sapp’s foil. He wasn’t as explosive at his best, but he stood his ground when asked to play nose and as a three tech had the kind of tenacity that commentators usually only use to describe unathletic white guys.

Outside Linebacker – Derrick Brooks and Rickey Jackson

I have never been shy about saying Books is my favorite football player. Perhaps it’s because I view him through those lenses that I earnestly believe that he was every bit as good as Ray Lewis at his peak. He’s one of the finest coverage backers I’ve ever seen, and one of the few linebackers athletic enough to miss a tackle on Barry Sanders twice on the same play. Jackson became a legend for his pass rushing, but he held his own in coverage and had a nose for the football. His fellow bookend, Pat Swilling, was stellar as well, but Jackson makes the team based on more value added in the division. Because I can say what I want here, how about a special nod to Thomas Davis, a sentimental favorite of mine who has always been a sure tackler who could cover like a safety.

Middle/Inside Linebacker – Luke Kuechly and Tommy Nobis

This probably isn’t a popular opinion, but I think Kuechly and contemporary Bobby Wagner are both already top fifteen MLBs of all time. They’re sure tacklers and valuable coverage defenders. My biggest hope at this point is that Kuechly doesn’t continue to suffer from potentially life-altering head injuries. Nobis was Atlanta’s original superstar and exemplifies the common local hero narrative of being overrated by hometown fans and underrated by everyone else. Shoutout to Sam Mills, who basically lost a coin flip with Nobis.

Cornerback – Deion Sanders, Ronde Barber, and Brent Grimes

I considered Rolland Lawrence because I enjoyed the way he treated each play like a fight to the death, but I ultimately couldn’t fit him on the team. Sanders is the best pure cover corner in history. He wasn’t just great at it, he made it seem glamorous. Based on no evidence whatsoever, I think Sanders influenced quite a few talented young athletes to start focusing on cornerback rather than running back. He didn’t tackle like Night Train, but tales of his refusal or inability to do so are often exaggerated. Barber was a stylistic foil to Sanders. He may be the best ever at the Tampa 2 role, and he relished the opportunity to tackle a receiver short of the sticks. As a slot corner in nickel packages, he tackled well enough that offenses didn’t get the normal advantage of taking a linebacker off the field. Grimes may seem like an odd choice, and maybe he is. He’s bounced around and has received only moderate acclaim, but I think his play has almost always surpassed his reputation. Also, competition isn’t that stiff in the NFC South: Aqib Talib played his best ball elsewhere, DeAngelo Hall has almost always been overrated, and Ken Reaves was more of a steady hand than a great player. I’m hoping Desmond Trufant or Marshon Lattimore can continue to show me enough to make the team.

Safety – John Lynch and Tom Myers

I don’t think Lynch belongs in the Hall of Fame, and he definitely has a few “name recognition” Pro Bowl nods, but he still deserves a spot here. Because of the paucity of talented safeties to play in the division, I’m pretty much left to choose between a vile, evil serial rapist who was really good at football during his brief time in New Orleans and a pretty good safety who made his way into the Saints Hall of Fame. Ultimately, I went with Tommy Myers for his longer tenure in the division and the fact that typing his name doesn’t make me want to vomit on my laptop. Maybe Keanu Neal will make this an easier choice in a few years.

Special Teams and Head Coach

Kicker – Morten Andersen

It would not be unreasonable to call Anderson the greatest kicker of all time. He was accurate enough, consistent (which is not a common trait for kickers), and is one of the great distance kickers in history. He also did a remarkable job on kickoffs. Sure, he benefited from playing a large number of dome games, but so did a lot of other guys who didn’t have anything close to Andersen’s success.

Punter – Thomas Morstead

If Johnny Hekker didn’t exist, Morstead would likely be considered the greatest punter of his generation (not by casual fans who are still infatuated with Shane Lechler’s inflated raw numbers, but by those who actually take punting seriously). He excels in all aspects of punting, and he is among the best kickoff specialists in history.

Head Coach – Sean Payton

The NFC South isn’t a division that is steeped in history in the way that the conference’s eastern and northern divisions are, so it shouldn’t come as much surprise that their most notable coach isn’t quite on the level of the likes of Halas, Lombardi, Landry, a Gibbs, Parcells, etc. However, let’s not take anything away from what Payton has done for the Saints. As noted in Chase’s series, he and Drew Brees entered a moribund franchise and immediately gave a desperate city a reason to believe again. Payton (and his contemporaries) also coached at the same time as Belichick, which has unfairly skewed public perception of many talented coaches of this era. ^[2]I also considered Tony Dungy, but he only coached in the division for six seasons and was best known for creating a defense Bud Carson had already developed decades prior.

Parting Shot

We’ve reached the end. I hope you’ve learned something or found entertainment from this ultimately meaningless exercise. I’m glad we could waste our time together.