Welcome to part four of the series on each division’s all-time team. Chase is off gallivanting with his bride, so you’re still stuck with me. As you may recall, I wrote this while recovering from surgery and am under the influence of narcotics and, of course, though that would be the perfect time to write about the sort of esoteric historical silliness only I (and Chase’s faithful readers) seem to think about. I take very little responsibility for any of this, but this is a reminder of the rules I have established for this series:

1. I write everything before my painkiller prescription runs out,
2. I write it completely off the top of my head and don’t do any research,
3. I don’t have to proofread this when I finish it, and
4. Chase doesn’t edit my nonsense out of the article (so my inane asides and non sequiturs are our shared burden now). ^[1]Roster construction is as follows: 1 QB, 2 RB, 3 WR, 2 TE, 2 T, 2 G, 1 C, 2 DE, 2 DT, 2 OLB, 2 MLB/ILB, 3 CB, 2 S, 1 K, 1 P, 1 HC.
5. I maintain modern division designations. If a player played for the Seahawks when the team was in the AFC West, I am counting him in the NFC West. I have neither the time nor the inclination to make this 100% perfect.

Without further ado, here’s the AFC South

Offense

Quarterback – Peyton Manning

Unitas or Manning? There was never anyone else it could have been. Ultimately, I went with the guy who took home five MVP awards and probably deserved three more. ^[2]That’s 2005, 2006, and 2012.

Running Backs – Earl Campbell and Lenny Moore

It’s hard to imagine two more different running backs. Campbell is among the most brutalizing runners I have ever witnessed, but asking him to catch was a fool’s errand. Moore didn’t run over anyone, but he evaded tackles like he was born to do it, and he would probably be recognized as one of the great wideouts had he focused solely on the receiver position. Special mention goes to Edgerrin James, who played 38 games before suffering his devastating injury. For those 38 games, Edge was an inner circle Hall of Famer. ^[3]No player in history gained more yards from scrimmage through 38 games than did James. He could run inside and out, contribute beyond simple dumpoffs in the passing game, and is one of the finest pass blockers the position has seen.

Wide Receivers – Marvin Harrison, Raymond Berry, and Andre Johnson

Playing at the same time as the explosive Randy Moss and the powerful Terrell Owens meant that Harrison didn’t receive all the praise he probably earned. There is something about tangible traits like speed, leaping ability, and power that capture the imagination of viewers in a way that crisp route running and a well-developed release do not. Regardless of how he got his numbers, Harrison flat out produced at an almost unprecedented rate. Berry was the security blanket of Johnny Unitas, working hard to build a rapport with the passer in an era when that wasn’t a given. He perfected the timing route and had some of the best hands in the business. Johnson rarely had good quarterback play, so he didn’t score many touchdowns. However, he produced at least 90 yards per game in five separate seasons, he was vicious after the catch, and he was an eager and capable blocker.

Tight Ends – John Mackey and Raymond Chester

Mackey wasn’t big, but he blocked like a giant. He was a dangerous deep threat and made a habit of embarrassing would-be tacklers. His numbers don’t look all that impressive at first glance, but just watching the guy play will make you a believer. Chester isn’t a name that comes up very often these days, but he would have been a Hall of Famer in an offense that put more focus on the tight end.

Tackles – Tony Boselli and George Kunz

I decided to use Jim Parker as a guard only, otherwise I would have picked him for tackle as well. In a league that featured Jonathan Ogden, Walter Jones, and Orlando Pace, Boselli was arguably the best tackle in football. Kunz spent his prime in Atlanta, but he remained a stud with the Colts. Being a contemporary of several Hall of Fame tackles unfortunately resulted in Kunz being largely forgotten.

Guards – Jim Parker and Bruce Matthews

With a hat tip to Mike Munchak, who would have made the team in any other division, these two spots were never in question. Parker is one of three guards I think have a reasonable argument for GOAT status (with John Hannah and Larry Allen), and Matthews could play any position on the line at an all pro level. The fact that he began playing at a time when the average defensive linemen weighed 260 pounds and remained effective as a 40 year old against defensive linemen who averaged 290 pounds speaks to his technical acumen and physical conditioning.

Center – Ray Donaldson

This came down to Donaldson and Jeff Saturday, and I always felt the latter was a little overrated during his career. Donaldson received Pro Bowl recognition as an interior lineman on a bad team and without a strong draft pedigree or a stint in Pittsburgh. ^[4]Chase note: I appreciate snarky Bryan. That’s pretty impressive.

Defense

Defensive End – Gino Marchetti and J.J. Watt

Elvin Bethea deserve mention for his great work on also-ran teams, but Marchetti and Watt are top five defensive ends. Marchetti has particularly impressive quickness, while Watt was pretty easily the best player in football for a three year span.

Defensive Tackle – Gene Lipscomb and Art Donovan

Why not add a couple of teammates? Big Daddy was a physical marvel who could have been as great as he wanted to be, but he seemed content with being merely standard-great. Donovan was, by all accounts, a great teammate and classic glue guy. I don’t recall watching him play and thinking “this guy looks like a Hall of Famer,” but opponents related that he was hard to block, and who am I to argue?

Outside Linebacker – Robert Brazile and Ted Hendricks

I nearly went with George Webster due to Hendricks’s time away from the division, but I ultimately couldn’t go against the Mad Stork. He was a cerebral player with uncanny recall and play diagnosis. Dr. Doom is known as a precursor to LT’s rushbacker role, but he spent plenty of time in coverage and was adept at the role.

Middle/Inside Linebacker – Mike Curtis and Al Smith

The AFC South doesn’t have a rich legacy of middle linebacker play. The Bears have had more great MLBs than have the combined forces of this division. Curtis was your typical solid inside linebacker. He didn’t have any superstar traits, but he also didn’t seem to have any identifiable weaknesses. Smith was a reliable backer, but he really stood out in the middle of his career when he racked up a bunch of tackles and even made a few splash plays.

Cornerback – Bobby Boyd, Chris Dishman, and Rashean Mathis

A solid nickel defender, Dishman would be even more valuable today with the increased importance of slot defense. Boyd was a legendary zone coverage specialist and fulfilled the unwritten rule of zone corners providing solid run support. The last spot came down to Mathis and fan-favorite Samari Rolle. I don’t think much separated the two, so I went with the one who did more of his damage in the AFC South.

Safety – Ken Houston and Bob Sanders

Houston was tall and rangy and always a threat to score with the ball in his hands. He was universally respected and made more Pro Bowls than any other safety in history. Sanders was short and compact and was a human wrecking ball. His style took its toll on his body, but the on-field results were palpable. A healthy Sanders changed the identity of the Indianapolis defense.

Special Teams and Head Coach

Kicker – Rob Bironas

He had a strong leg and was accurate, especially in high leverage situations. Bironas had good ball placement on onside kicks and could also set his defense up for success with his regular kickoff ability.

Punter – Craig Hentrich

Had a big leg but was also good at putting the ball basically wherever he wanted it. Could fill in at kicker in a pinch, though no one would ask him to do it full time.

Head Coach – Weeb Ewbank

While Don Shula is the best coach to have coached an AFC South team, Ewbank did the most while coaching such a team.

Parting Shot

We’re done with the AFC. Next up: the old and storied NFC North.